ConfusedI would go out just walking around the block first during the night just to be able to feel like a male again for a moment. I didn't even have to dress very masculine, just the possibility to be 'feeling male' was enough at first.Later I got more and more frustrated and wanted to play out the male part in me more and more. I got out dressed more often, and also started to go to places hoping people would reply to me as a male, but that didn't happen very often and just made my confusion worse.I started to try and find out better ways of giving myself a more masculine impression but despite all this confusion I still did the autogynephilic playing as before with my new female body. I was feeling aroused about my outward signs of femininity so I was thinking that I was mentally very sick.I felt like wanting to kill myself after I returned home from the 'male dressing' when I had to face myself and see the real physical appearance as this half female I had become. The worst. As it became more obvious that I wasn’t letting him advance, he started nibbling at my ears and whispering things. Very teasingly, Fucker knew just what he was doing to. While he was whispering more his hands were everywhere. He began whispering things like “you know it would be our secret” I replied that I wasn’t doing anything with him to keep secret! I wasn’t looking for anything more than a night out. Honestly he had my pussy on fire and my blood sizzling. I was more than ready and damn near let him take me but couldn’t let another one add himself to the already very long list. I was backing up off him when he pushed me against the wall and started kissing my neck as I moved my face away from him. His hands went from my waist, skimming my chest and finally settling on my ass where he tried to pull open the robe. I knew right then that I had to go, I twisted out and he grabbed me again. As he made me face him again, he unknotted my robe somehow and then backed me to the bed..
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